-Playing Zelda: Ocarina of Time for the 100th time
-Start to worry that I'm wasting my limited video gaming time on games that I've already beaten
-Think that I should start working on the mountain of unbeaten JRPGs on my shelf so I can actually accomplish something
-Forced to consider and reevaluate meaning of "accomplishment"
-Existential crisis
-Get to the fire temple

And another way of explaining it is that shit happens, and there's no space too small, too dark and airless and fucking hopeless, for people to crawl into.

Amen.

Ohhhhh my god give me my wardrobe back.

"And yet just about everyone I've ever interviewed has told me that by doing something or other- recovering from cancer, climbing a mountain, playing the part of a serial killer in a movie- they have learned something about themselves. And I always nod and smile thoughtfully, when I really want to pin them down: What DID you learn from the cancer, actually? That you don't like being sick? That you don't want to die? That wigs make your scalp itchy? Come on, be specific. I suspect it's something they tell themselves in order to turn the experience into something that might appear valuable, rather than a complete waste of time..."

Truth.

Oh, though I fell in love with you, all fey and grizzled and mature,
You left me naked, pining, whining on your bathroom floor;
If it makes you jealous, tell us just which boy we should adore,
Only talk about myself, so I don't mind that he's a bore.

You're a friggen idiot.
that is all.

Weed. <3

I'm starting to work my sad body back into some type of shape. I forgot how much I love the burn haha. And when I feel better about myself everything else seems a little brighter anyways. Plus I enjoy kicking the occasional ass anyways.

In other news, I'm admittedly hard to make angry. One of the only things that really gets to me in terms of making me upset is getting blown off. Lo and behold, I keep getting blown off consistently. It drives me into a frenzy, makes me seem desperate when I ask why it's happening, and even moreso when I'm ignored after that. Is it unreasonable to expect what I am offered? Maybe I invest too much thought in this relationship and being distant will just work out better for me. However, I refuse to think of the fact that I care as a fault. Not everyone is emotionally cold, y'know?

Hold your glass up, now hold it in,
Never betray the way you've always known it is.
One day I'll be wondering how
I got so old just wondering how
I never got cold wearing nothing in the snow.

This is way beyond my remote concern
Of being condescending

All these squawking birds won't quit.
Building nothing, laying bricks.

Because caring is creepy

Reposted this because NONE of you (except Cat) follow my new blog. >:^)

ARGH I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU SO BADLY. This is beyond frustrating.

(And someday I'll play it for myself for the same reason.)


This video is so simple. It just makes me smile.
I should be doing lots of things right now.
But I'm too happy to worry about any of it.

My head is the worst. It's so easy for me to feel isolated, ignored, or neglected, especially since it's been a constant reality and my greatest fear since I was a kid. I really don't enjoy complaining about this bullshit, but I kind of need to get it out since I can never seem to hold a conversation with you anymore for whatever reason. I can tell there's something brewing, some storm that's setting us at odds, I just can't for the life of me figure out what's going on... Maybe because you don't seem to ever want to tell me what's up? I'm not stupid, and I have dealt with this type of situation enough to have developed a sixth sense for oncoming pain. I just can't GUESS what the extenuating circumstances causing this chasm are. I wouldn't change anything about you. I just wish you could be more open with me.

Or maybe this is just in my head (like the majority of my problems.) Maybe it's nothing but that you're busy, and I'm sitting here adding undue strain to the both of us by mulling over an "invisible issue" that doesn't really exist. Whatever the case, this is the worst feeling in the world. Not even my shiny new thought-killing drugs can put me to sleep when I get like this. Oh well.

I can't stop anthropomorphizing in my paper. Now that my prof pointed it out, I can't seem to avoid it! Guh. Ignorance was bliss, man.

ALSO. How am I supposed to draw the line? Apparently it's acceptable to say that a film suggests something or encourages viewers to think a certain way, but I can't say, "The film wants..." But I can say, "Clearly, the film is begging to be read as a feminist production."

So what if I want to anthropomorphize my way through a paper? Why should that make me sound unprofessional? (Little voice in my head says it's because anthropomorphizing masks all those hidden claims I'm not backing up with evidence. Meh.) BUT MAN, OH MAN. It's just annoying.

And "anthropomorphize" is way to long for it's own good.

[/ annoying English major rant that has no import on life outside of academia whatsoever.]

Guhhhh.
I don't think I'm going to be able to watch Dirty Dancing for another 20 years after writing (and rewriting... and rewriting...) this paper.

Wait... It's December 5th?! What the FUCKKK?! I'm baffled.

In other news...
You're so beautiful, and you absolutely light my torch. Whatever that means. Every second I get to spend with you is the best second of my life.